Create a Life You Don’t Need a Vacation From: Moving Beyond “I’m not Enough-ness”.
February 5, 2019
By Catherine Nyika, Holistic Counsellor, Social Worker, Educator & Certified EFT Practitioner
“Atelophobia”; [A-tel-o-pho-bia] the fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
Nicola* arrives home from work and crumbles into a heap on the sofa. She longs to pour herself a large glass of wine but instantly remembers that her New Year’s resolution was to avoid ‘unwinding’ with alcohol and besides, she knows it’s not great for her waistline.
Nicola’s best friend has suggested she try out this great yoga class tonight to help easy the stress and overwhelm, but the thought of yoga or meditation makes her squirm as it challenges the fragile part of her that doesn’t like stillness and always wants to get things ‘right’.
“What if you can’t do it and you embarrass yourself in front of everyone”, the voice of the inner critic screams silently. Nicole doesn’t go. She can’t bear to feel worse than she already does.
On the outside, Nicola appears to look like she has it all together. She needs you to think she has it all together because anything less than that would be a failure. She’s always been a high achiever, determined, focused, reliable, and motivated. Her friends would say she has the “ideal perfect life” on paper and is hitting all her targets at work and appears to balance work and personal life with ease.
At work Nicole realises she is a bit of a people pleaser. She has a desire to do well and an overwhelming fear of the consequence of not doing well. She feels great when she is approved of and affirmed by her boss but feels completely shattered when she doubts her performance is to the best of her ability. The illusion of “always needing to appear strong and capable, have it all together and be in control of everything”, (especially her emotions), has taken its toll on Nicole. It’s impacting on her physically, mentally and emotionally and she’s burnt out due to constant worry, fear and doubt about whether she is good enough. It’s become harder and harder to deal with the setbacks in her life and she realises its now interfering with her significant relationships.
Perfectionism or what I like to call “I’m never enough-ness” effects so many highly successful women, perhaps just like yourself. In a world where women can do anything and everything, strong women want to seize every opportunity to shine. When you are a self–directed perfectionist, you tell yourself, it’s not ok be mediocre, or vulnerable, and that it’s definitely not ok to share your inadequacies, insecurities and disappointments.
The dark side of having extremely high standards and being constantly so hard on yourself is that it can lead you down a path of anxiety, depression, and addictions. “I’m never enough-ness” fuels fears, procrastination, frustration and disappointment. It seeks to crush your self-esteem because the reality is, you just can’t keep up. This is what happened to Nicole*.
If you relate to any of Nicole’s story, I can help support you to get your life back on track with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Coaching and Holistic Counselling. By combining talk therapy and tapping on acupressure points, I can help you to gently let go of your core beliefs around your worth, your value and your “enough-ness”. You can rewire your mindset for self-love, self-acceptance and “enough-ness”. Learn how to restore your body’s natural energy so you no longer feel overwhelmed or burnt out.
It’s time to truly know that you were not made to be perfect and that you are amazing as you are. You were made to be authentic so stop striving to live up to some preconceived notion of what ‘success’ looks like. It’s the imperfections that make you and the things around you beautiful.
*not client’s real name.